I was working on another post, but then I realized that as this my 200th blog posting, I would rather it be able something significant, so I thought to celebrate this moment with a blog about my blogging :) I started this endeavor in 2005. I abandoned this effort in 2007. I quasi-returned to it in 2008. And I came back full tilt in 2010. Now 200 postings later, I am very excited about the future! And here is why:
1. I have learned a lot about myself in publishing my thoughts to the world. I have a lot to say, but I have not only evolved in how I express myself, but I have become a lot more confident in how I present myself to the world when I am not blogging.
2. I am more confident in my writing ability than my speaking ability, but that actually works in my favor. I have discovered a strength that will be valuable to me for the rest of my life. So what if I can never inspire people with a rousing speech--I can persuade through a well-written piece of prose.
3. My writing persona is authentic. Not that I am fake in person, but I know that I am revealing the real me in my writing in a way that might not be as evident in person. When I say something ironic or mean in my writing, I am intending to be ironic or mean.
4. I want to take more chances. I want to step outside of my comfort zone and have my writing reach more than just the people who happen upon this site or those who support me. I have something to say, and I actually know what I am talking about most of the time.
5. This is my journey. And for some time now, I have considered the opinions and perspectives of others (many quite well-meaning) in charting my course. I am here by no accident, but because this is how the Lord intends for me to reach my destination.
I need to emphasize point #5 because some well-meaning people have been urging me to make different choices (i.e. get a job that would solve all of my financial and career issues) out of what they perceive tobe my best interest. Lord knows, I could use some stability, but perhaps it is time to acknowledge that a job is not the only way to achieve that...
And here is what I really want to express--gratitude. Gratitude to the Lord for revealing to me that everything in life has a meaning, even our stumbles.
I had an epiphany the other day so it had to be addressed in my 200th posting today. I was imagining how different my life would have been if my career had not been so abruptly derailed. I call it a derailment on purpose because in my mind, I was simply a passenger riding on a train when everything toppled over. It began with the loss of a job, but my inability to sufficiently rebound into something comparable led to a detour that has taken me to many unexpected places.
Such as the courtroom. I had tried litigation during an earlier bout with unemployment, and it had provided me with valuable experience and the ability to be adaptable. Although I have tended to regard my little practice as insignificant, recently a former client tried to offer me a referral. To her, the work I had done on her case was significant.
Another unexpected place was the classroom. Everyone in my family has become a teacher, and I often joked that at the beginning of each semester that education was the family business and that I was late in joining the franchise. And truly, I have found the classroom to be a great fit, even as I found certain aspects of the profession to be exhausting and under-appreciated.
I am coming to terms with the prospect that I might never have biological children. There was a time when I figured that having a baby would help to give my life purpose, but for whatever reason that has not happened. And it caused me a lot of anxiety because everyone else in my demographic was having children. It only added to my insecurities about the loss of my job as some massive sign that I was perpetuating a fraud on the world. But plenty of wonderful people have never had biological children, and if I am meant to raise a child some day, I am fine if that blessing occurs because someone else cannot.
I have been broker than broke. My savings are meager and my debts are massive. But I keep pressing forward and have learned the value of frugality. We have learned to live within our means and that has kept us afloat. And I cannot help but to think that we are reaping what we have sown--service to others has supplied our needs.
And finally, I look upon my marriage as a major silver lining in a cloud of despair. God willing, we will celebrate 10 years in October and I feel so magnificently blessed. Not because I think marriage is better than being single, but I believe that my marriage has been better for me than being single would have been.
So I am celebrating 200 blogs at the Cafe and hope to build on it with so much more in the future! Ciao :)
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