Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You Won't Believe This, But...

I decided to come back! I still believe this is a waste of time, but whatever!

I made the fateful decision to stop blogging a few days after my last post. There were several reasons, namely I worried that someone important might stumble across one of my rants and that it would have devastating consequences for my future. There were all of these stories floating around about people who lost jobs and school admissions because of blog entries, and despite the fact that I don't really have a job and am not interested in returning to school, I did not want to put any future employment or academic prospects in jeopardy.

So...I got scared and stopped cold turkey. Not that stopping was all that hard since my last few posts were sporadic due to my crazy schedule. The real issue was what to do with the blog as it existed.

Deletion was not really an option since Internet pages have a tendency to live on in faraway archives and cookie caches. And at times, I wrote some pretty good stuff, so I decided to collect all of my favorite blogs, edit them a bit, and compile a "Best Of" portfolio in case I ever wanted to look back fondly on my time on Blogger. I also thought it would be a great way to share my work with others since I never promoted my blog. I planned to print it out, get it copied to bind in some nice folders, and give those copies away to use as a fire starters during BBQ season (just kidding about the BBQ part).

Well, I selected my favorite 50 entries and got started on the editing and layout process. It was tedious because I am such a perfectionist, but this was a labor of love and it was worth the hours of effort. I even wrote a forward, sort of a farewell entry that would explain my reasons for having a blog in the first place. The final product was great (imagine me patting myself on the back).

But wouldn't you know that my printer ran out of toner the day I prepared to print my opus! Then I got all caught up with school because at the same time, I was teaching three classes (which really is a lot more work than you might imagine). And then I had a health crisis which scared me so bad that I ate myself silly. And then, because life is like that, it was just one thing after another and now it is JUNE.

I still plan to *publish* my opus. But, in these past few months, as life continued to swirl around me, I realized that no one was thinking about my silly little blog except for me. And I really missed my blog.

More than anything, I missed the regular habit of writing for myself. I write for other people all of the time--emails, exams, letters, legal documents, etc., but rarely do I write anything that has nothing to do with anything in particular. One day I could use my blog to share my pain if I was feeling blue. Or I could share my joy when things were going well. I could bitch about stuff on the news that pissed me off or I could opine on the big events of the day. Or I could use my blog to ponder the lint that had collected in my navel. Everything was fair game here in a way that real life just did not allow.

Frankly, I cannot believe that I let fear of discovery stop me from doing something that had such a positive effect. It is not as if blogs contain the worse content on the Internet. I imagine that the same people who use Internet searches to disqualify job candidates and school applicants for their written thoughts are the same hypocritical, self-righteous folks who sell personal information or watch porn. No one can track them because they know how to avoid leaving trails, but whatever. Blogging has its pitfalls, but so does walking outside on any given day. There is nothing that I can do that will not result in being found out, so why worry about the unforeseen consequences?

This morning I felt compelled to revisit this site and I am glad that I did. I cannot promise that I am back for real because I am perpetually over-scheduled and this really does chew up a chunk of time. I should be working on my midterm exam right now...but for now, I plan to come back here to muse about all things bright and beautiful, creatures great and small, wild and wonderful, stuff God made all in all.