Friday, March 09, 2018

Struggle Bus

I had a rough week.

I know that it happens, and I guess I was hoping that the wave I was riding after my impromptu Momcation in the city a couple of weeks ago was going to take a little longer to crash. But it did and it feels like everything is upended.

My kid is going through pacifier withdrawal, which looks and feels a lot like crack withdrawal (as if I know anything about that). It is really, really one of the more challenging phases of development we've faced so far. We had been trying to phase it out for at least a year, but we hit a patch where she was depending on it more and more so finally, we just stopped cold turkey. I looked at the calendar and noticed how close we've come to her third birthday and then made a choice--either we make progress on potty training or we dump the pacifier.

I assure you that those choices are on the same level. Of course that means I have a child who I'm still trying to potty train after a full year and have yet to make any real progress.

I have had other issues, and since I'm in a confessional mood, I keep having the same argument with the Hub that keeps ending in the same stalemate. This has gone on for far too long. And despite my hope that he finally got me this week when he finally made a statement that sounded every bit like he has been paying attention...he backslid.

I am feeling very unappreciated by my friends. VERY. And so much so that it triggered a lot of anger that dredged up all of the same emotions I dealt with last year with my brother. So I am angry and sad and depressed (but this time around, I have no appetite for anything other that coffee or soda). And writing about being depressed and sad and angry again.

So I'm not quite sure if I am riding at the back of the struggle bus, driving it, or running after it. But I am still going. And oddly enough I feel a little more in control by having written this all down. Even if I stay on this course, and things stay the same it feels better to admit that things suck right now.