Gosh, why didn't I just get a beer in the first place? Liquor loosens the tongue, but it also makes the fingers nimbler and it enables the mind to function slightly above normal levels of coherence. See, I'm not drunk, but just tipsy enough to be witty and creative.
I hereby declare that everyone in my family will receive either a tee shirt, a book or an Aerobed for Christmas this year.
Tee shirts are great because they are comfortable and guaranteed to be used at some point. Who can resist a retro tee, especially when everything that was cool in the 70s, bumpin' in the 80s and awesome in the 90s is hot again! Someone is getting the vintage Captain Kirk and someone else is getting a Wonder Woman shirt. If I find some School House Rock prints, its on!
Every year the hub and I spend hours at Target with a list of sizes for these ever-growing kids in the family. We usually do the right thing, but when we pause to remember the disappointment from our childhoods when aunts and uncles only gave us clothes, we cave into the pressure of remaining "cool" and dash over the the toy department to make additional selections. That era is over because they're all getting books and will be much smarter because of it. Dammit, I'm tired of low test scores attributed to brown children, and despite the fact that several of these kids are near-geniuses, I want to lay the groundwork for the bragging I plan to do at 50. Chapter books for kids older than 8 and pictural guides for everyone else. Hell, even the baby girls will get books!
Aerobeds are practical for people who have relatives who come to visit. The hub and I go to NYC about five times a year and someone has to host us (cause we are colored, and colored folks do not stay in hotels in cities where they have relatives). My kind mother-in-law gives up her bed for a few days, but the bed is so uncomfortable that if given the choice, I would rather sleep on the floor. So why not just get her an Aerobed so that I can do just that? And if one of the siblings wants us to spend time with the nieces and nephews, then the Aerobed solution still works well. Everyone over 40 gets one of those!
As for those obligatory gifts for people who aren't related to me by either blood or marriage, they'll get baked goods, ornaments or a bottle of wine.
See, all of my shopping is done!
Hey, I like Christmas and I love to shop, but I abhor the combination of the two. My tolerance for people and malls is at an all-time low this time of year (even as I contemplate a seasonal retail position for more cash...)
Listen and repeat after me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT GIFT, so save yourself some aggravation. Donate the money you would have spent on Chia pets and singing fish to the poor. That is the real meaning of Christmas. The rest of us don't care one wit what we get as long as it isn't a Chia pet or a singing fish.
Ok, if there is nothing more, I have to go because my beer is all gone now, and I suspect that my buzz will follow. Ciao!
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