Its Bjorn Time!

Bjorn is the name of this kid who is, for now, my favorite reality TV star. My fascination with him began when he first appeared in a promo for "My Sweet Sixteen" on MTV a few weeks ago. I had to see him to believe him, and after watching his episode on four separate occasions, I must say that I love this kid because he is so blissfully unaware that he is a walking caricature at the tender age of 16. One can only imagine what he'll be like at 21.

"My Sweet Sixteen" represents all that has gone wrong with parenting after 1980. This show features the pampered, over-indulged children of the nouveau riche who have been raised to believe that they can have, do and be whatever they want. In Bjorn's case, it appears that he endeavors to be some sort of gay icon and his family seems totally okay with that. In fact they celebrate this occasion with a lavish coming out/sweet sixteen party fit for a queen.

Call me old fashioned, but most parents would be embarrassed to have a teenaged son who carries a Chanel purse and refers to himself as a "Divo." No one wants a gay child, not even gay people themselves. Of course, there is no way his mother named him Bjorn and expected him to be anything other than an interior decorator, a fashion designer, a hairdresser or a mimbo... (Wow, in case anyone comes across this piece, this is me writing from the future in 2020. What I wrote here is horrible, and though I have the power to edit it out, I won't. Instead, I am issuing a sincere apology for having thought this way and ever giving voice to this type of homophobia. --ADH)

Bjorn and his fellow Sweet Sixteeners confirm every reason why people think this society is headed to hell in a handbasket. Take for example, Amanda, the daughter of a nightclub owner in Ocala, Florida. Her father gets singer Ciarra to perform at the party, so Amanda sells tickets to her party on the premise that people are actually paying to see Ciarra. How generous... Then there is Sierra, the daughter of Cee-Lo, some third tier rapper whose 15 minutes of fame have long since elapsed. She demands tributes of presents or money from the attendees at her ghetto fab Sweet Fifteen party (apparently someone can't count that good)... Another gem is the whiny Sophie, a spoiled chubby girl who hires a party planner and a stylist for her Moulin Rouge-themed bash. Her shining moment comes when she gets into a staring match with someone's mother and then bans the women from re-entering the hotel.

And you thought the Hilton sisters were bad enough.

There are some moments of redemption, but they are brief. For example, despite Amanda's grade-A bitch demeanor throughout, her one humanizing moment comes when she invites three poor kids in to her party after they serenade her with a bluesy rendition of Happy Birthday. And Sierra's diva attitude is no match for her mother's when the party is temporarily canceled due to a bad report card.

But the damage is already done--these children are ruined. The parents are so weak and useless that after years of caving in to their children's whims and desires, they probably think one more indulgence won't hurt. And the children proclaim that they always get what they want, no matter how bizarre. One girl wants to be Cinderella, so she arrives at her party in a horse drawn carriage escorted by a guy dressed in a Prince Charming costume.

The Sixteeners believe that by virtue of being born rich they are deserving of this unlimited excess. In fact the one girl who had not been born rich, but had been adopted into a rich family at the age of 14, also felt similarly entitled to a big party and a car to make up for all the years she spent in foster care. One would think that all those years she spent on the other side of the tracks would have given her some perspective, but she proves to be just as shallow as the other Sixteeners. As she makes out her invitation list, she declares that she would only invite the "best people" to her party--presumably the same people who would have ridiculed her when she was a poor orphan.

I have yet to understand MTV's motivation for this show, but I think it is meant as a cautionary look into the future if we continue to champion empty values and self-absorption. Do we intend to become spineless parents? Do we really want to raise horrible children like this?

Is it really Bjorn time?