Dealing with my Demons

I finally got the blood test that I've been avoiding for months. I went to the doctor back in December and was scheduled to get blood work so that she could evaluate my cholesterol. The previous test showed that I had elevated levels. So, I finally went to get the follow-up test last Monday, and the results came in this week and were worse. My cholesterol is still high.

This is the type of wake-up call that other people who lead dangerous lives get. Instead, someone as boring vanilla as me gets it at 31 years old, as if I've led the type of food-binging lifestyle that affects other people twice my age and weight. This is devestating. And it is made worse by the fact that I've really been trying to lower it through diet and exercise this past year.
Of course, I could do better. I can stand to lose about 15 pounds, maybe 20. I could drink a lot more water. I could try to stay calm more often. I could take a walk on the treadmill instead of sitting around watching TV. All of these things would be improvements, but it isn't like I'm 50 pounds overweight.

This is the manifestation of a problem that I have refused to acknowledge for some time. I am unhappy about the general state of my life right now. I worry about everything. I beat myself up over small things. I fail a lot. And when I get like this, I eat.

Mind you, I don't have anything close to an eating disorder. I don't binge and I don't abuse food. If anything, I do what most people do when they get lonely or upset--I palliate. If I feel particularly stressed about something, I drink coffee or other drinks with caffeine. When it is close to that time of the month, I eat salty foods like chips. Or maybe I get the rare sweet tooth and I'll get something with chocolate. But overall, I eat pretty well. So I don't get this.

The long and the short of all of this is that I have to change or I could end up taking medication for the rest of my life. I could get sick, have a heart attack or a stroke. I could die...

So I know what I have to do, and on the top of the list is to eliminate stress. It's time to get re-aligned again, to get rid of anything that is making me sick. That means getting rid of projects that are long overdue for completing, getting paid for work that has been completed, and finally getting some real work that pays on time. It also means focusing on those things that make me happy and finding balance.

I can make it. I will make it.