Babies Booming

From the archives of unpublished posts. I wrote this the day before I declared a September reset on the Busy Black Woman blog.

Beyonce is pregnant.  Tina Fey is pregnant.  Fantasia is pregnant.  Jennifer Garner is pregnant.  Hillary Duff is pregnant.  Plenty of random crackheads are pregnant.
 
I am not.

I hesitated to write this particular article because it is so personal and I think that no one really cares that much about how it must feel to watch all of these celebrities and crazy people have children when you are staring at 38.  And have been married for ten years. 

No one cares because there are tons of women out there who are not married who also do not have children.  Instead of applauding their responsible act of sacrifice, they get treated to a media onslaught of articles that question whether they are being too picky since that is the only reason why an accomplished woman in her 30s/40s/50s would still be single.

Married women without children get a lot of pity.  And face a lot of uncomfortable questions.  Yes, I have thought about fertility treatments, and I pass.  Yes, I have thought about adoption, and I am still thinking about it.  Yes, I have considered just giving up.

Here is my dilemma...my life has no space for a child anymore.  When I was willing to make space, there was no time.  When I was willing to make time, something else occupied it.  Now, it is just too hard to think about having a baby when I have older parents to think about.  We just went through the loss of my husband's mother...and I feel bad enough that I failed her on the grandchild front.  Now I've got other crap to deal with, so maybe that ship has sailed.

It hurts to say that, but I think that ship has sailed.

So if that is truly the case, then I need to make other plans.  The George Bailey arc of my life will ensure that I will either never get to leave DC or I will have too many children.  Well, seeing as how I believe that ship has sailed, then it is time for me to get out of dodge.  I have been toying with the idea of going abroad for years now...I decided yesterday that it is no longer a dream.  I need a way to restart my life from this current state of duldrums.