I Don't Mean Any Harm...

My grandmother used to say that right before delivering a polite insult. To the targets of her zingers, it was the bit of sugar that helped the medicine go down. To everyone else within earshot, it was a left hook to the jaw with a smiley face on the front of the glove.

Gosh I miss her.

Because if she were still here, there are a bunch of folks I would line up in front of her so that she could let them have it. As her granddaughter and I think she would approve if I borrowed her phrase to use on a few deserving people:

I don't mean any harm, but maybe you shouldn't try to run an institution by remote control.
I don't mean any harm, but you remind me of the Wizard of Oz--just a man hiding behind a curtain with a microphone.
I don't mean any harm, but if you don't want to be treated like a whore try wearing clothes.
I don't mean any harm, but if you really want to know how she is doing, just knock on her door and ask.
I don't mean any harm, but you are not perfect.
I don't mean any harm, but you could stand to be more forgiving.
I don't mean any harm, but you might be certifiable.
I don't mean any harm, but when you say that you are sorry for doing something, you prove that you mean it by not repeating the same bad behavior.
I don't mean any harm, but telling everyone your business won't solve your problem.
I don't mean any harm, but church should not be treated like an escape from reality.
I don't mean any harm, but you married a bitch.
I don't mean any harm, but you are an asshole.
I don't mean any harm, but if you can't think of a decent name for your child then do all of us a favor and name him/her after the doctor. I'm sure the doctor wasn't named after a jello flavor.
I don't mean any harm, but if you are that in love with the sound of your own voice then maybe you should get a job in radio instead of talking me to death.
I don't mean any harm, but I am pretty sure that I meant no when I said it the first time.
I don't mean any harm, but if the man really wanted to take away your guns/freedoms/etc. he would have done so by now. After all, he is the President.
I don't mean any harm, but what do you expect from a news network that is named after a type of dog?
I don't mean any harm, but what were you thinking?