OK, So I'm Going to Try This Again

I just logged in for the first time in nearly a year. I am surprised that the blog hasn't been overrun by spammers.

I don't even know where to begin. I could pick up where I left off last September, but that would be boring. To make a long story short, whatever I was afflicted with last fall went away and although I am not exactly the glowing picture of health, I am surely not death warmed over either. Also, in case you were wondering, I am still broke and under-employed.

And that is about all there is to report.

I'm back because I miss writing. I've gone months without writing anything of significance. Sure, online lectures qualify as significant writing, but the only people who read those are my students (barely).

I stopped writing when I became frustrated that my blog was just one more voice out there in a crowded room full of shaky soapboxes. I determined that writing for an audience of one was akin to the age-old philosophical question about that tree in the forest...

In truth, I was afraid that I would eventually be discovered. How could I justify my musings and rants to a potential employer? It could cost me a job, I reasoned, so I quit to avoid succeeding at something that I actually enjoyed...

Yup, I am a coward.

Right now, I am having the hardest time even writing this re-re-introduction. There are tons of ideas going through my head, but there is also the dread that I am setting myself up again for another emotional implosion. What makes me so sure that I will be able to withstand the pressure this time?

Years ago, someone told me that my worst enemy was my own self-doubt. She was right. At times, it is utterly debilitating. What is my problem? I can write as well as, if not better than some of these folks. So what am I waiting for?

I am still trying to answer that question, so that is one of the reasons why I returned. I need to find my voice again, and see this endeavor through to wherever it may go. Anything is better than wondering "what if".

So, I guess that means I am writing. Again :)

Ciao!