For the Record

Today was a good day until it was not a good day.  Then it became a lousy day.

This morning my aunt called to warn me that my mother was in a bad mood, so I decided to take my time getting ready to leave.  I drank three cups of coffee.  I watched music videos, then a few minutes of Lethal Weapon II.  I put away a lot of my clothes and I packed my things.  I decided to dress nicely, so I took my time to apply some makeup as well.  And then, when it because clear that I was stalling, I hurried out of the house.

It would have been SOOO much better if I had just stayed put. 

For Lent I have decided to give up cursing, which is really hard when dealing with a difficult person who suffers with dementia.  Everything was fine when I walked into the house, but once I got out of the bathroom, all heck broke loose.  (See how hard it is not to curse?)

I have suggested that members of my family are selfish and stupid and while I might edit those statements for posterity, I am not going to edit the sentiment here...Yes, members of my family are absolutely selfish.  And I am the stupid one.

For the record, I just want to say that I am really trying to be a good daughter.  But I feel like that daughter from the Joy Luck Club who sacrificed her flesh for her dying mother and still her family disowned her.  My family probably will not disown me, but at times it seems that the sacrifices that I make are just all in my head.

And can I also just say for the record that I am not thin-skinned.  There are callouses all over my body from the wounds inflicted over the years.  And just because I get upset every now and then, that does not mean that I do not deserve any empathy!

So at the beginning of this Lenten season when I really want to curse, especially at God, I will hold my tongue.