If I Were Ten Years Younger...

Last night I saw a fantastic performance by the Washington Reflections Dance Company at Dance Place, which is a local performance space/dance studio in my neighborhood. That got me to thinking about my wasted youth. As I watched these dancers, I wanted to say "I used to be able to do that," but that wouldn't be entirely true. I was never that good, and I doubt that I ever will be half as good now.

So, I think I want to be 21 insted of 31. Then I could get a do-over on certain things. I would have gone back to dance sooner. I would have tried to develop better habits. I would have spent less money on trivial things. I would have travelled abroad. And I would have waited before going to law school.

If I were 21, I might have planned better for my future. I was so intent on becoming a lawyer that I didn't really consider other options that might have been open to me. It was suggested that I might try journalism as a career path, but I never gave it a second thought. I've encountered numerous obstacles as a lawyer, and I've never seriously pursued a Plan B. Thus, I find myself at 31 years old wishing that of all things I could have done differently, I wish I had had a Plan B.

I am still going to practice law, because that is what I set out to do. It would be too hard for me to abandon my instinct to take care of people and to try to solve their problems. In spite of my doubts about my abilities, I am convinced in the power of law to change things.

But I am also convinced that I don't have to be a crusader of justice in order to find purpose for my life. Thus, writing is my Plan B. I want to create beauty, I want to tell stories, I want to spout off as an expert, and I want people to listen to me. I've spent a great deal of time in the background, afraid to take center stage because I thought that I'd look silly or that people would be too critical. When I left my job, that was one of the critiques I received in my exit interview--that I stood on the sidelines while others took the glory.

Not anymore! I want to be noticed. I know that I won't see 21 again in this lifetime, and I can accept that the things I didn't do ten years ago were not meant for me to experience at that time. But my life is not over yet and I am implementing my plan with the baby steps I took in starting this blog.